My Inner Ninja, Part I: The Sacred

Continued from January 17, 2012 post

The wolverine appears when I am far from my center, when I am not writing. Or maybe the wolverine is always here, and it is only my distance from the sacred that is creative expression that heightens my awareness of and vulnerability to his power, his potential for threat.

In the dream, a woman walked past our house. She pushed a baby in a stroller. Knotted around the handle was a short leash belonging to a black Terrier who trotted just in front of the stroller. By this time, Henry and I were back in our yard, silent and still, just taking in the sunset. The wolverine crouched behind the berm, visible to us, but hidden to anyone outside our yard. The Terrier sniffed the air and growled and that’s when the wolverine lunged from behind the berm and landed at the woman’s feet. His hair and tail stood on end. The woman screamed. The baby cried. The Terrier lunged back at the wolverine, jerking at the end of his leash.

“It’s okay,” I told the woman. “He doesn’t attack. He’s just scary.”

That’s when the wolverine turned on me, baring his teeth, crouching low on his haunches as he circled around me. The woman disappeared. Henry was still in the yard, but he had turned his attention to the garden. He didn’t see us. I was afraid to yell, to upset the wolverine.

I woke up.

There is something of the sacred in my daily writing practice, something I had been missing when I had that dream. Like the dream Michelle who fumbled her way through mass, who felt unworthy and unprepared to hold the body of Christ or drink from His cup, I was frightened to pick up a pen, to open the Vessels folder and find that I could no longer relate to a place where I once felt at home. And rather than face that fear by writing or even reading my work, I allowed the shadows and murmurs that are always at play beneath the surface of my writing to inhabit my subconscious, where they took physical form in my dream.

I didn’t need Henry, the woman, or the Terrier to step between the wolverine and me. I just needed to feel close to my story again.

Next Week: My Inner Ninja, Part II: The Moves

Published in: on January 24, 2012 at 12:57 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Michelle, This is so different from previous Vessel writings. Much deeper, greater vulnerability, more profound in its message and the interpretation resonates with such truth. Stay close to your story my friend.

  2. love your writting. very personal while it applies to us all.


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